Looking Back

Just when I thought I could not cry anymore, my little sister Ashley gave me a really priceless gift. She spent her evening compiling all the NICU pictures and putting it to a song to document Baby Kevin's journey. I started crying 15 seconds into the slide show. All the emotions came rushing back. The fear of the unknown, the trauma of seeing your son go through so much intense lab work, the guilt that maybe I could have done better, the joy of watching him progress, the ups and downs with his setbacks, and the intense happiness of bringing him home. The celebration of each milestone (he reached 5lbs, he took his 1st bottle, he is breathing on his own, he got his first bath) all captured with pictures. I was speechless- all I could do when cry tears of joy as looked at Baby Kevin in my dad's arms.

I have never been a really emotional person, but this has changed me. My sister will never know how much I appreciate her gift.

My prayer is that no one will be able to truly understand how I feel because in order to understand you have to gone through it. I pray that no one has to face the NICU. I pray that everyone is blessed with healthy babies. It is a gift not to be able to understand how I feel.

To Erin, my friend who has a 32 weeker in the NICU now, thank you for your support. We both have faced the NICU and I pray that your Hunter will be home soon. Although, we hope for no one to have to be a NICU mom, it has been blessing to have you as a shoulder to lean on.

Thank you Ashley for your gift. I will post the slide show if I can figure out how.