I haven't blogged in 3 days because I didn't want to invite you to my pity party. Who wants to read someone's blog when they're just being blue? There isn't any fun in that! Oh well- it hit me hard that my time with baby Kevin is going to be shortened soon. My temp job as a stay at home mom is coming to an end. I am full of mixed emotions! I love the people I work with and I know the grandmas will be watching him, but still I know I'm gonna miss him. I know my mom will send me lots of pics of him while I'm at work. :)
I feel dumb for whining because it could be worse. He could be going to day care. I could be looking for a job etc. Moms go to work every day. It's not like I'm venturing into unchartered waters. I have to do what is best for our family.
I am also just tired of hearing "So when can he go outside of the house?" Seriously, when he can, we will start venture out. Obviously we would like to start exploring his firsts, but his immune system is not ready for that. Why put him at risk because I wanted to be selfish and go out to eat? Well the pedi said we can start taking him out after July 25th (one month after his due date), but still it will be limited. The RSV season might change things later so we're just going to be flexible. We will follow whatever the pedi says at his monthly checkups. I know people just want to know how he is doing. Trust me- I'll be the first to announce/celebrate our explorations of life beyond our house.
I guess I am just sensitive because it reminds me that he is a preemie. It does bring back some feelings of guilt, because he didn't make it to term because of my health. I still feel like I am the reason he isn't "normal".
Thankfully he is gaining weight, but there isn't a magic weight amount or age that magically erases his prematurity. He will still have to deal with it for a while. His immune system and developments will take a while and he will require more doctor appointments.
So yeah sorry for the trip down pity party road. I promise the next post will be more upbeat. Thankfully this week is free of doctor appointments! I am just trying to focus on enjoying my son and getting into a routine that works. In other words, no more daytime naps. I m fighting a nap as I type this because I got up at 5:00am. I am trying to train my body because I definitely can't fall asleep at work!
Again thank you all for your prayers for us. Baby Kevin is TWELVE weeks old today :) I am really am blessed. :)
This too will pass,my dear. We will make it with joy and he will miss you during the day and love on you in the evenings,nights and mornings.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Mom
Sis I will not try to tell you that it will be easy to go back to work cause it will not be but you have been thru a period of time where you had to leave him and at that time he was younger and not as strong .. so I know you will survive ...Also never blame yourself for KG early arrival its not your fault.. God is always in control even if we don't think so at the time.. he has a plan for every life and everything that we go thru is to make us stronger.. Love ya Sis
ReplyDelete